Ouch

So in an absolute Ben Stiller movie moment in my life, I decided to get my eyebrows waxed this morning on the way to the beach to meet some friends. As I was leaving the place, I was thinking "Hmm, it seems to be burning more than usual. It's probably just because I was out in the sun yesterday." So I get in my car, go to Happy Harry's to get a couple things, come back out to my car and look in the visor mirror...and my eyebrows are ringed by searing, red welts. It was horrendous. I'm going to the beach for the first time this year to see some friends I haven't seen in ages and I look absolutely ridiculous. I considered canceling but didn't want to be flaky. So I ran back into HH, bought some witch hazel and went back to my apartment. I took a benadryl, in case it was allergic reaction and put a bag of frozen Brussels sprouts wrapped in a towel on my face. The icing helped a little, so I was encouraged. I kept putting witch hazel on them, which burned terribly. All in all, didn't solve it and I still had a blotchy, red face when I got there.

Fortunately, they were nice people and if I did look terrifying, they didn't let on. And I did have a really good time at the beach. I think I might put the sprouts back on to go to bed.

Melting

Tonight, there was the most fantastic thunderstorm. I watched lightning bolt after lightning bolt shatter the sky. It was so beautiful. Unfortunately, it didn't make it that much cooler! It is so humid right now, the A/C is blowing non-stop. Can't wait to see this bill, yikes! Of course, we were spoiled by not having to run it all in June and moderately in July. I just hate hot weather. Would rather be snuggled up in a big sweater or under blankets. Come on, Fall!!

Runes and Musings

I am looking for some Berkana Runes to give all my pregnant friends, but of course, no where I went today had them, so I am going to have to give my initial pregnancy gift to them without them. Hopefully, I can track them down. It is interesting having the majority of the people I know being pregnant. I am truly thrilled for all of them, but it makes me start to wonder about my own fertility and about whether or not I am meant to have children someday. I'm not trying and don't really feel like I am in a place to try right now. But what I worry is what if the right time never comes? I guess I will always have kitty children and will be a kickass aunt to all my friends children. Is that going to be enough?

In the meantime, I am searching for my next job and trying to get healthier. Hoping to lose 40 pounds through moderation and cutting out as much processed food as possible. I don't think I could stomach a prepacked meal plan with the freeze-dried everything. It is such a hassle to think about having to cook for three meals a day. So I will try and make healthy compromises when I can. I need to try and remember how worth it it will feel to be thinner and healthy.

Changing Times

I am going up to Rhode Island this weekend to visit with my grandmother who is very sick. It may very well be the last time I see her. Mortality is really hard to contemplate when you try and think about how you are going to deal with the circumstances of the deaths of your own loved ones. It's easy enough to say "I can be at peace with it because everybody dies and it's a part of life." I have also thought "Death may be a parting, but it's really a time to celebrate the life of the person who has moved on." However, I have never lost anyone very close to me, so it is all still very abstract.

I remember when my great-grandmother died, but I was very little so it was distant. I remember when a boy in my fith grade class died of Leukemia and we went to his funeral, that was a bit surreal. Several older people I was pretty close to at some point from church have died recently and that came the closest. It was powerful to think that that person will never occupy space in the world ever again. They are completely and totally gone. I still think that way about Nemo, sometimes. I know it's not quite the same, but the fact I will never get to kiss his nose ever again still makes me cry once in awhile.

It will be great to see my family and spend some time together. First family road trip in more than a decade. I will be drawing a line on the backseat that my brother can't cross, just in case.

Skin Battle: Differin and Aczone

I have no idea how blogs work exactly, but I figure if someone searches for those terms, this might pop up.

I have been struggling with acne since my mid-20s. Odd, since I had pretty great skin in my teens. I have tried several different treatments, including oral antibiotics, Retin-A and over the counter treatment regimens (Proactive, etc). Being on birth control pills seems to help for awhile but then my skin revolts and gets bad again. It seems to improve for a time after switching pills but then the breakouts recur. I have most recently been prescribed Aczone in the morning and Differin gel at bedtime. I have been using them for almost a month now and only washing my face with Cerave cleanser. I noticed almost an immediate improvement in the texture of my skin overall and a huge reduction in the angry outbreak on my forehead. I have also had minimal dryness and peeling, which is a change from previous treatments.

After a few weeks of improvement, I am now experiencing a flare-up. Several cysts and a couple pimples. It also also done almost nothing for blackheads around my nose and lips. The Aczone literature says it can show noticable results in 2 weeks, but Differin states up to 12 weeks. So I'm hoping I'm still in the improving stage. Thinking about trying Yaz, but I have a deductible health insurance plan, which I usually love, but currently I get my pills for free from work. Free is better than not free.

Anyway, just want to record that and see if any other skin people read and have comments. If you are one of the few friends who may read this, sorry for grossing you out!

Vacation: Time to rethink

I am on vacation all week with no big plans which is fabulous. I am sitting at my computer with the window open and a beautiful cool breeze blowing in thinking about what things I do want to accomplish while I have some time. I am formulating a new healthy life plan: Cutting out the bad things (fast food, soda) and adding back the good ones (regular attendance at the gym, cooking more meals at home). I have set goals about losing weight, paying off my credit card and saving money. I feel like concrete goals are easier to take steps to attain than general ideas, right?

I watched a few minutes of a lifecoach last night on TV talking about his system called "Excuses Begone!" It was basically asking you to challenge your negative self-talk and replace it with positive self-talk. For example: "I can't lose weight because it will be really difficult and I don't have the time." Are you 100% sure it will be really difficult and you won't have the time? No, that may or may not be true. "Losing weight will be easy and I will have the time." Are you 100% sure that's true? No, but it may or may not be true as well. So if those thoughts both have an equal chance of being true, why would you internalize the one that gives you no chance to reach your goal over the thought that does potentially move you closer to your goal?

Am I going to pay $300 for the system? No, and I am 100% sure of that! But it was engaging enough to get me thinking about it. So I am hoping to really do it this time, rather than think about how I could do it and keep putting it off.

Dissonance

Dissonant is my favorite word this week. It's also the current theme of my life. I am confused and furious as to why a certain decision was made at work and how being the turtle in this race, slow and steady is getting me no where. I can't comprehend the playing of a vicious game being the real way to get ahead in life. Can I refuse to accept it, or is it not optional if I hope to move forward. I need a reset button.